When we found out we were expecting Zevry, earlier than either of us ever thought, it still brought the anticipation of motherhood. Shaun and I adapted and embraced parenthood, whatever it might bring. Then, three years later, our little Moxie joined our family and made it to what it is today.
Finding out that another was to join us, although a little shocking, was still exciting for the both of us. We got excited to tell the kids that there would be another baby! Moxie was to be a big sister!
Shaun and I held this precious gem of a secret and talked and talked for the next couple days. What would the future bring? What changes had to be made? How would we tell people?
Only 5 days later, I woke up bleeding. I immediately told Shaun to get the kids ready (school was out for the summer), and bring me to the hospital. I was frightened but hoped for the best. I went and signed in, and because it was going to be a long wait, Shaun took the kids back home, so they wouldn’t have to wait and ask questions all day long.
I prayed. HARD. I kept asking God to be with me and with my baby. I could feel His presence there. The first sign of that was my friend was the one signing me in. Even though he wasn’t happy to see me at the Emergency room, he was comforting.
I finally went to a room, where they took some blood and placed me in another room. Well a big room made into smaller rooms by single sheeted curtains. It was not private at all, and at first I was mad, but then my attitude changed.
Let me share why. As I was waiting, a man was brought to the “room” beside mine. The nurse came and asked personal questions of me and then left the room again. Another nurse came to his “room” and asked him personal questions. I got to know a little about the man.
Regardless, I never heard his name.
After the nurse left his room, he started talking to me a bit. He said, “I overheard the nurse talking to you and the information made me a little uncomfortable.”
I thought to myself, for pete sake, just leave me alone.
But then he said, “It just made me want to reach under this curtain and hold your hand. This must be hard.” It gave me reassurance that there is goodness in people. It felt like a reminder from God, also, that I was INDEED not alone!
An hour later, the doctor came in and told me that I was, in fact, miscarrying. That was the hardest moment IN MY LIFE! I could barely breathe and just started sobbing.
To my baby, Aria: I love you always and forever, and even though I wasn’t able to carry to you term, I’ll carry you in my heart, until we meet again!
I know there are many women out there today, maybe even reading this that have been through similar experiences, or even far worse. I am NOT trying to compare, as each story is unique, but just to share my story with you. To say that I feel your pain and that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I believe with all my heart that my sweet little one is held by God as I am writing this, and that I have three children, one just made it to heaven first. I believe that I will meet my little one one day and what a glorious day that will be! I thank God that I have that hope. That hope is yours as well!
Today could have been the day that I held my little baby for the first time. Instead I share my story. Please know that you are loved, and never alone. Even in the darkest of times. You are held by the One who made you, knows everything about you, and loves you so immensely that He died just so you could know Him!
Feel free to leave comments, I just ask that they are respectful. Thank you.
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