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  • Writer's pictureSylvia St. Cyr

Pregnancy Loss Awareness Month

Updated: Feb 15, 2023

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. If you are 1 in 4 women who has experienced either of these losses, then you know the heartache attached. Perhaps that’s why we often don’t talk about it.

As vulnerable as it is, I believe it’s important to talk about hard things, including miscarriage. When we don’t talk about it, the emotion of the loss can actually control us.

As of June of this year, it has been four years since I had my miscarriage. Had I carried to term, we would have had a three year old running around our house. It’s hard not to think of the “would have been’s”.

In the past four years I have realized that grief comes in many different ways, and sometimes at very unexpected times.

I remember watching a movie awhile back and even though the content wasn’t super serious or anything, all of a sudden my entire body ached from how much I missed my lost baby. I simply started weeping. When the crying started to subside, I texted a close friend whom I knew would show me compassion. She lovingly covered me in prayer, without dismissing how I was feeling. It was just what I needed.

Either the due date or the miscarriage date can be an incredibly emotional day. If you’ve had a miscarriage (or more than one), then perhaps you do something special on that date.

Years two and three on my miscarriage date weren’t hard emotionally for me. However, this year on the date I miscarried and the days leading up to it, I was an absolute mess. I was literally just trying to make it through an hour without crying, which came as a shock. Why on year four? Like I said, grief can pop up at the most random time.

The worst part, potentially, is that I didn’t share my pain with the people I was with. I just withdrew. It seemed easier at the time. It felt like if I shared my intense grief, I may not stop crying for hours. In hindsight, so what?

I think that it is wise to allow yourself to feel all the feels. To give yourself grace to just cry on the date, to remember. To think about the day it happened and the “would have been’s”. It’s good to allow God to step into our grief and our mess in those times. It’s also healing to share it with those who care deeply for us. Our grief isn’t something that we have to share with everyone and not everyone will understand, but often our family and close friends would love an opportunity to surround us with comfort and care in those times.

While only my husband knew that I was grieving on the miscarriage date this year, God knew and showed me He cared in a small, yet powerful way.

I was driving into the city for groceries with our ten-year old daughter, and under my breath I asked God for a good parking spot. I don’t always do this, but it just came out. I started by looking for spots far away, not believing such a silly simple prayer would be considered or answered. However, as I pulled closer, a vehicle directly in front of the store (not handicapped of course) pulled out.

As I pulled into the vacant spot I immediately started crying, to my daughter’s dismay. She asked, “Mom, what’s was wrong?” Although I could have shared a little more with her (our kids know about the miscarriage and the sister they have waiting in heaven), I only told her that I felt very loved by God in this moment. I felt Him whisper, “I care and I know.”

Even though this process of going through my emotions connected to my miscarriage is tough, it’s important and worth it. Plus, God will never leave my side, no matter how angry or sad I get. The same goes for you.

One great way to start the healing process is by journaling. An incredible book that helps women through this process that was just launched today is Embrace: Clinging to Christ through the Pain of Pregnancy Loss by Liz Mannegren. She won the WJOF publishing contest award this year and the company I work for, Word Alive Press, published it! I had the incredible privilege of being one of the first to read, and start healing, from it.

If you would like a copy of this book to help with your grief and healing journey from miscarrying, click here.

We don’t have to do this alone.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3

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