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  • Writer's pictureSylvia St. Cyr

When You Feel like a Total Hypocrite

Updated: Feb 15, 2023

You know those days when you feel like a total and utter hypocrite? That’s how I felt last week.

On Tuesday, I wrote a blog about looking beyond the temporal mess around us and focusing on the eternal. I even gave two ways that help me do this, and I do actually practise these things.

However, two days later, it felt like I woke up in a deep, black pit. It felt like I was wearing a cloak of darkness. I had zero hope, right after blogging about hope.

Talk about being a hypocrite!

So now on top of feeling utter despair (the kind where if I opened my mouth, tears came out of my eyes instead) I also felt the heavy weight of guilt and shame for being a fraud.

Talk about heavy.

You see, there are quite a few big life decisions that my family and I have to make shortly. On that Thursday, it felt more than overwhelming. While I believe that we serve a very good God, I couldn’t even have the faith to say “I trust that You are doing something good, Lord, even if I can’t see it.” I didn’t have the strength.

So I rallied my inner circle to stand in the gap for me. To be my strength when I had none. My husband prayed over me for abundance. As he prayed and loved on me, I thought, abundance? I can’t even fathom more than a few crumbs!

I went and had coffee with a dear friend where I cried all of my makeup off.

In the middle of our coffee, I also texted my brother and another close friend, beseeching them to pray for me. You know what happened? They did!

When I went to my friends house, she grabbed us cups of coffee and we headed to her couch. Then she placed a box of tissues beside me and gave me a long hug. We sat and cried. She even cried with me for about an hour.

In the middle of talking, crying, praying, and singing, I remembered that it was this day, my beloved Aria would have turned 4 years old.

Gut punch!

What felt like darkness surrounding me now felt like someone dumped a pile of bricks on top of my head. I sat there feeling hopeless.

Then my friend shared something beautiful, and I’d like to share it with you. When we are feeling hopeless, dejected, and attacked, God is not asking us to find the strength to fight in that moment. He’s not even asking us to have great faith.

Instead, Our loving Heavenly Father invites us to sit in His shade and shelter, and then let Him fight for us! Isn’t that good news?

Once I heard that, I thought, I can do that! I don’t have the strength to stand strong in my faith right now. I can’t fight anyone or anything. But God could fight on my behalf, and all I had to do was let Him.

For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” – Deuteronomy 20:4

My husband came home for lunch that day and it was good he did. He asked me what was wrong and more tears came out. He listened as I whimpered a few more words out, and then he cried and held me. It was a beautiful and holy moment.

On this terrible, no-good, very bad day, when I felt hopeless and like a huge hypocrite, I was reminded of something very important. Let me pass it on to you.

Whenever we place ourselves on the throne as Saviour of the world, or even of our own lives, we are hypocrites. You know why? Because we cannot do it! We cannot save ourselves or be perfect.

So then what qualifies us to share the hope that is Jesus Christ?

Is it our strength? Our inspirational writing? Our seminary degrees? How about our works and all we have done to better the world? Does our sin and nature disqualify us? These thoughts often swirl through my head.

Then I heard another thought loud and clear, and it came from the throne room of God.

The only thing that qualifies us to share the gospel is the blood of Jesus Christ. He qualifies us as we cannot qualify ourselves. If I’m qualifying myself to point the way to Jesus, then I’m actually pointing the way to myself.

I am not the saviour of the world. Far from it. I am an imperfect human being who is loved by a perfect God.

Jesus and His blood are the qualifier. The end, period. For us all!

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” – Romans 3:23&24

That is the hope, on days when I’m feeling good, and inspirational, and just the same on days where I feel like there is no hope or way out of the pit. Our God never changes and His love never fails.

Plus, when we as human beings are struggling fiercely with this thing called life, remember that God has placed other warriors to help us along the way. What a blessing to have a group of warriors in my corner.

The best part, when one of us is down, the other prays and fights. When that one goes down, the rest cover them.

Not one of us can do it all, be it all for anyone. But we can come together and support each other along the way! We’re meant to do life in community rather than alone.

So, am I allowed to offer hope to others, when I have days where I feel hopeless?

I believe I am. Does it make me a hypocrite? Or simply a human being.

Regardless, the reason I can is because I am not the source of the hope, Jesus is! For me and for you!

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